The Best Thing to Come Out of My Kitchen

This boastful headline is not an opinion. It is not my attempt to blow my own horn, make my cooking seem better than it is, or lure some unsuspecting readers into checking out my blog (though if you are here for the first time, hi!). No, my friends: this title is pure fact.

As I was explaining to FH only a few days ago, I am usually pretty terrible at bragging about myself. I lost an essay contest in 5th grade because I was unable to talk about my accomplishments. I’ve been turned down for jobs and positions because I was “too polite” about my abilities and knowledge areas. And I have many friends and acquaintances who, even though we’ve known each other for years, are still finding out little tidbits about me, like how I’m a black belt in tae kwon do.

Oooh…typing all that felt weird. I’m tamping down the urge to delete it all for the sake of this post.

Now, though, my aversion to such behavior might change: I made the singular best dinner to ever come out of my kitchen, ever. Not only was it delicious, but it was ready in 10 minutes flat, is vegetarian with vegan options, and once my pescetarian FH took a bite, he said, “You know, with more food like this,  I could consider being a full vegetarian.”

Oh yeah. That good.

I’m building this recipe up so much because you may take a peek at the title and run. Don’t do that! I suffered pain and agony bragging about myself to get us to this point! I promise you, if you give this a chance, you will love it:

Not-Tuna Salad

Adapted from The Vegan Table. Makes enough for 3-4 average or 2 large sandwiches

Vegetarian, vegan with egg-less mayonnaise


  • 1 15.5oz can of garbanzo beans/chickpeas, drained and rinsed
  • 2 tablespoons mayonnaise
  • 1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard
  • 1/2 – 3/4 tablespoon dried dill weed*
  • 1/2 – 3/4 tablespoon celery salt*
  • 1/2 – 1 tsp. kosher salt*
  • 1/4 – 1/2 tsp. ground pepper*

*I improvised heavily with these ingredients, tasting along the way and adding more when I felt necessary. I’d recommend starting with the smaller measurements to see how they work for you. Feel free to adjust these as necessary to suit your taste and preferences.


  1. In a small bowl, mash the chickpeas with a fork until they resemble a fine, crumbly texture. This step is the most important for making your not-tuna believable – nothing destroys the illusion like biting into a few whole beans.
  2. Once thoroughly mashed, add the mayonnaise and Dijon mustard to the chickpeas, mixing to combine
  3. Add the remaining ingredients, stirring well to incorporate. Spread the mixture onto lightly toasted bread and top with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, etc.
  4. Eat and enjoy!

I was only able to snap a few pictured before FH and I scarfed these down. So. Delicious. Hopefully you think so too, and you’ll have something to brag about as well!

Your Turn: My time’s up – I want to hear you brag about something! Are you an amazing singer? Have the world’s cutest baby? Can you do something unique and different? Write it out for all to see!



4 thoughts on “The Best Thing to Come Out of My Kitchen

  1. Pingback: Terrific Tuesday: Foodie Fun! | The Joy Vey

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